25 Things Men need To Know About Style and Fashion

1. Yes, Homer Simpson is funny - but not on your tie.
2. Only consider tucking your jumper into your jeans if you're a vicar.
3. Getting your girlfriend to iron your jeans is unacceptable. Ironing them yourself is evidence of an unsound mind.
4. Cowboy boots - NO!!!
5. Pointy lace-up shoes make women retch.
6. Going bald ? - shave it off for God's sake.
7. Never take your top off in public, unless you've just won Wimbledon.
8. Donald Duck socks do not reflect your individuality nor the wild side of your corporate facade. They do, however, mean your  mother still dresses you or you wish she did.
9. Socks and sandals - lovely on Germans.
10. A jester hat does not a wacky man make. Even Noddy Holder regrets the 70s.
11. Speedos are only acceptable on Olympic swimmers......
12. as are medallions.....
13. ...and tracksuit tops and bottoms.
14. Do you have a grey, red and black asymmetrical duvet?? Habitat helpline 845 601 0740
15. Open shirts:  one button open = professional;  two buttons open = casual; three buttons open = oversharing.
16. Tight sleeveless muscle t-shirts are only ok if you're 17, can do the running-on-the-spot dance at the drop of a hat, and are a member of NSync.OK
17. Those fold-up scooters + middle thirties exec = tosser.
18. Here's a startling fact guys: Lara Croft isn't real. And Angelina is: a) an actress and b) married.
19. Is your definition of "new season shopping" buying the Man Utd kit? Please seek professional help.
20. Unless you own a rap empire, leave the chunky gold bracelet and"ice" ring in the window of H.Samuel where it can live a long and  happy life doing no-one any harm....
21. You'll NEVER pull if you put your mobile in the mobile phone pocket of your combats.
22. Bleached blonde hair. If it doesn't work for Eddie Irvine, it's not going to do it for you. 
23. Chinos - fashionable for 6 months in 1989 and that was it
24. Talking with a fake posh accent won't help you pull any faster. e.g. "Hooooi Babe, How are you ?"
25. Attaching a BMW keyring to keys is sad - people know you don't own one !

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